Non Sequitur

Just as we stood for freedom in the 20th century, we must stand together for the right of people everywhere to live free from fear in the 21st century. As a nuclear power - as the only nuclear power to have used a nuclear weapon - the United States has a moral responsibility to act.

When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice. The Bible tells us, "How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity."

I don’t think I’ve made mistakes. Every time somebody said I made a mistake, they do the polls and my numbers go up, so I guess I haven't made any mistakes.

The other candidates — they went in, they didn’t know the air conditioning didn’t work. They sweated like dogs…How are they gonna beat ISIS? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.

Can you believe that this creepy, robot, out of touch, cheetoh eating giant pussy mouth creep is in charge of what we get to see on the internet? Bro - the cap on that Sriracha bottle is not even green screened properly you would think with the tens of millions of dollars you've got from Comcast and Verizon you could at least get a decent green screen.

Matt Horner: Is there a reason that convict's still on my (ship's) bridge?

Jim Raynor: Easy Matt. Tychus is one of my oldest friends. He helped me out of a real bind a few years back. I owe him.

Like I said, you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.

There is no 'I' in team.

Morty: Mom I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were too loud or something.

Summer: Or maybe you were up all night with Grandpa Rick.

Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

Morty: You have a whole planet sitting around generating your power for you? That's slavery.

Rick: It's society. They work for each other Morty. They pay each other, they buy houses, they get married and they make children that replace them when they get too old to make power.

Morty: That just sounds like slavery with extra steps.

Rick: Ooh lala. Somebody's gonna get laid in college.

If you non-Catholic Christians are upset, well, just have your Pope issue a response. Oh, that's right, you don't have a Pope because your faith is defective. Sorry, Catholicism is clearly superior. Don't believe me? Name one Protestant denomination that could afford a $660 million sexual abuse settlement. I think that the Lord has spoken on this one.

Hey autumnal equinox, if the nights are getting longer, why is my show still only a half an hour?

Here's something Direct TV won't tell you. They hate puppies.

Fact: They charge you every month for HD service.

Fact: Time warner HD cable is free - saves you what could be hundreds of dollars. You could spend those hundreds of dollars on like a mountain of dog food.

Fact: puppies love dog food therefore Direct TV hates puppies.

For example, 40% of homosexual men have a history of major depression. That compares with only 3% for men in general. Similarly 37% of female homosexuals have a history of depression. This leads in turn to heightened suicide rates.(...) Whatever the causes of these disorders, the fact remains that anyone contemplating a homosexual lifestyle should have no illusions about what he is getting into.