Rick Sanchez

Rick: Those are procedurally-generated clouds Beth. That river is a rainbow, literally. Come on I put real elbow grease into this place.

Beth: You're supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter.

Rick: Gross.

Beth: If nothing matters, why would you do that for me?

Rick: I don't know. Maybe you matter so little that I like you. Or maybe it makes you matter. Maybe I love you. Maybe something about your mother. Don't jump a gift shark in the mouth.

So you're mining stuff to craft with and crafting stuff to mine with? Did your dad invent this game?

Sixty iterations off the central finite curve, there's a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating. (...) He realized long ago that the greatest thing he'd ever create was his daughter. We captured that moment, we run it on a loop through Simple Rick's mind, and the chemical it makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick Simple Wafer Cookie. Come home to the impossible flavor of your own completion. Come home to Simple Rick's.

Jerry: Traditionally science fairs are a father-son thing.

Rick: Well scientifically traditions are an idiot thing.

Morty: Mom I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were too loud or something.

Summer: Or maybe you were up all night with Grandpa Rick.

Rick: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?

Morty: Oh my God! It's a living nightmare. How could you be so irresponsible Rick?

Rick: Me irresponsible? All I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver. You're the one that wanted me to buckle down and make you up a roofie juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school.

Jerry: Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash!

Rick: Well I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren Jerry, but life is made of little concessions.

Rick: These telepathic little bastards they embed themselves in memories and they use those to multiply and spread out and take over planets (...) This is a big one. Someone must have tracked it in on the bottom of their shoe or on a piece of alien fruit.

Summer: "Someone"?

Rick: Get off the high road, Summer. We all got pink eye because you won't stop texting on the toilet.

Morty: Well can we at least go get our family so we could take them with us if we lose?

Rick: That's planning for failure Morty. Even dumber than regular planning.

Morty: You have a whole planet sitting around generating your power for you? That's slavery.

Rick: It's society. They work for each other Morty. They pay each other, they buy houses, they get married and they make children that replace them when they get too old to make power.

Morty: That just sounds like slavery with extra steps.

Rick: Ooh lala. Somebody's gonna get laid in college.

I know what this is. They've been able to sustain world peace because they have one night a year where they all run around robbing and murdering each other without consequence. (...) If you don't want to watch, don't watch but you know it's my car. Also if you tell your mom about this, I'll purge you.

Rick: Oh please. They just call themselves heroes so they can -

Morty: I'm calling them that Rick. They're my heroes. Mine!

Rick: Huh. No accounting for taste.

Anyone continuing to explore the citadel is either stupid or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their own terrible ideas.